It was a news item about National Handshake Day, being held in various parts of the world on 27th June, which prompted this Kaleidoscope article. No doubt we have all been brought up to be aware of the significanceof our handshakes. However, if like me, you thought handshakes are important then you will probably find it interesting to learn that I am beginning to have reservations. The deeper I researched the concept the more I became convinced that, when it really matters, trying to assess something from a handshake may well be ill-conceived.
The idea of National Handshake Day is to celebrate the most common greeting used between two people. It is believed that handshakes originated, in the western world, more than two thousand years ago. This is because as giving a handshake meant that the participants were holding no weapons, it was seen as a gesture of peace. Today, when meeting or leaving, it is viewed as an expression of goodwill, thanks and maybe congratulations. As with many things, which relate to our body language, expressions and their meaning, the physiologists and behavioural analysers have written an extraordinary amount about what different types of handshakes convey and imply. Many believe that they reveal something about the characters of the hand shaker. Simply put, a firm handshake reflects a confident person whereas a weak handshake a shy personality. But if we have all practised what to do to impress people, when we meet them, doesn’t this defeat the object of believing what different handshakes mean – hence my reservations? A good communicator will know what is expected and similarly will a cunning trickster. So it all really boils down to us understanding what the different handshakes emotionally emanates and try to avoid the ones that put us in a poor light. Here are some tips for a good handshake.
Whatever you do, never offer a handshake without some oral introduction. Extending your hand should be part of your introduction because without any vocal greeting you will appear nervous or somewhat aggressive. A business handshake should be brief just like a “sound bite” so holding on shaking for longer than three seconds or so is a “no-no”, unless you are already good friends with your business associate. Shake from your elbow and not from your shoulder. You do not want to risk jolting the arm of the other person or appear overbearing. In a similar manner do not use a forceful grip, not least because your greeting should be a friendly and respectful gesture and not a show of your physical strength. Bear in mind the “no-no” handshakes, the names of which are self-explanatory:-
Lady Fingers – Sometime in genteel social circles offering your fingers to a lady is deemed courteous but in business circles you are deemed to be equal not a “lady”.
Fish Hand – This is a limp handshake which conveys an impression of someone lacking confidence. You should return the other person’s grip but remember it is not a power struggle even if the other person thinks it is.
Sweaty Hands – Usually another’s sweaty hands mean a sign of nerves but do not embarrass them by immediately wiping your own. Do it discreetly afterwards.
Two Hands – The delight of many politicians who often fail to realise that this show of friendship falls flat when used with people we barely know. In business stick to using one hand unless you really “really” know the person you are greeting as also a very good friend.
When it comes to ending a handshake, remember after 3 – 4 seconds and no more than 2 – 3 pumps, in order to avoid any awkward moments, end your handshake before the oral introductory exchange finishes.
This leaves us with “National Handshake Day”. What can we do to take part, if we wish, on 27th June? Well it is very simple. If you usually arrive at work and greet others with a casual wave or “Hi” then choose the 27th June to be a day when you give them a nice firm handshake instead. Tweeting, blogging and posting things on-line seems to be overlooking the importance of “face to face” meetings and greetings. So go – post some picture of your handshakes! Who knows what response you may generate and no doubt it will all be fun. However as I have started to have reservations about the importance of the interpretation of handshakes, I’ll leave you with these two quotations to consider.
“The most important things in the first few seconds of a meeting are basically, a firm handshake and a smile, good eye contact and really paying attention”. – Pat Schaumann, 1950 onwards, American author “Guide to Successful Destination Management”.
“Experience teaches you that the man who looks you straight in the eye, particularly if he adds a firm handshake, is hiding something”. – Clinton Fadiman, 1904 – 1999, American author, editor, radio and television personality.
If you can work out when each quotation has the greater relevance, I will only need to wish you a “Happy Handshake Day”.